Return to Light
While meditating this morning, it occurred to me that for most of our lives, while we feel we may be trying to figure out the meaning of life, the meaning of OUR lives or simply the meaning of it all, what we are actually doing is learning or REMEMBERING the Light we already are. Returning to the Light that we began as, and will always be.
As spirit, these experiences are for us to strengthen what we already know and are. These experiences are for the contrast, for as spirit, as pure Love, there is no contrasts, only Love. Contrasts bring expansion and growth and a new reality, a new consciousness.
It is all perfect in its messiness.
What experiences have we created in our lives to forget the Light that we truly are?
It is different for each of us yet as a collective, useful for all of us.
When I asked myself this question, I immediately had 3 early experiences flash in my mind. They are certainly not the only experiences in my lifetime that have moulded my reality and have dimmed my Light but they were certainly instrumental and obviously important for me as they continue to pop into my head.
They only mean something to me, as do your experiences only mean something to you, but we are all alike in the fact that we created these experiences to ultimately then experience a greater Light within, a remembrance of who we are and a strengthening of that Love and Light which is our essence.
The 3 experiences that come up strongly for me are these:
1. I remember once in late primary school. I was in Drama class and we were doing a play for the end of year concert. Some small skits really. One I remember was a take off of a TV commercial for nappies. It mustn’t have been real good as I don’t remember too many laughs! Lol
Anyway, this particular concert, at the end of one of the sets, I was asked to close the curtain on the stage. I did (it was mechanical) and next thing I knew, a massive statue of Mary came crashing down and broke!
Being in a catholic church I was totally stunned and shocked and while I was being told it wasn’t my fault, by those around me, I could feel (or that was my perception anyway) the anger and meanness from the some of the nuns towards me. I felt like I was going to go to hell for breaking this beautiful statue of the Lady mary! PLUS I ended up costing the church and school lots of money to get a new one and I felt so much guilt because I thought they would make Mum pay for it and I knew we had very little money. I was so cross at myself for having put my Mum in this financial mess!
This experience got this idea in my head: Dim your light Trish, you are not good enough to shine, when you do, bad things happen and God will be frowning upon you now as you have really sinned badly! (We wont go into the whole ‘sin’ thing here but I feel there are countless people across the world who feel like an evil sinner due to the religion they may have been brought up with)
2.The next thing I remember was a time when I was about 9 or 10. I was coming through the front door of my home and I had our cat in my arms (which was pretty normal for me! Lol). My brother was in the area between the door and the hallway and he was sitting in his beanbag. I couldn’t get past. I asked him to move and he refused…so I threw the cat at him. (as you do lol). Anyway, all hell broke loose and I got the blame and was sent to my room.
I haven’t forgotten this incident because I always felt unfairly blamed. He was the one in the way that wouldn’t move right!
Once again, I felt not good enough, I decided not to stand up for what I believed as I wouldn’t be heard anyway, I decided that to shine was to be punished. I stayed in my room a lot after that, for many years. By myself, feeling unsupported.
3.The 3rd thing was a spelling bee at school. I used to win these all the time in primary school. My mum was a teacher and growing up we always got a lot of help with writing and homework so my grammar skills were great. This particular spelling beee was in class. We all lined up at the front and were then, in turn, asked to spell a word. When we got one wrong we sat down.
Some people hated being up there in this position and quickly (sometimes deliberately) got the words wrong so they could sit. I, on the other hand, loved wining (still do lol) and I also loved spelling and knew I was good at it. I didn’t mind being in front of the class either!
This particular day, I was blitzing the spelling bee. Getting right many very long and complicated words. Then, I got an easy one, and I fumbled. There was only 2 of us left. And I got it wrong. The word? – Once. Crazy right! 4 letters and I got it wrong!
I was so humiliated, angry with myself and embarrassed! At that moment, I never wanted to be shining in front of people again, I never wanted to be in a position where I could be so humiliated and shamed. I decided not to shine like that again.
These 3 stories and experiences are very small, seemingly insignificant events but to me, as a young girl, they paved the way to a life of staying low, staying unseen, keeping my light dimmed.
Over the years as an adult I have experienced being in the spotlight and have had many wins but as these experiences still had a place in my heart, my self sabotage would always bring me back to experiencing loss or shame of some kind. Not feeling good enough to shine.
Return to Light
I feel we are all dong this right now in one way or another.
What are the stories or experiences that have shaped the way your Light got dimmed?
Did you know that once we can identify them, love them for the learning and let them go, we are free? We are free to shine?
Staying in them does not serve us, or the world. To keep examining and rehashing them over and over does not serve either.
To look at what the turning points in life have been (and this will usually be the memories that continue to pop up time and time again!), love them, accept them, see them with eyes of forgiveness for all concerned (including and mainly you!) then to let them go!
Reframing the story helps too!
- For all I know, maybe my brother got in trouble too for the ‘cat’ incident! I was too upset to notice anything else except how I felt!
- For all I know, the nuns were glaring at the stage manager, not me, for actually placing the statue in that spot!
- And maybe the other person in the spelling bee really needed to win that day to shape something in his future or even that day!
THIS is healing and this is how to turn that Light back on that is inside of you. That Light that you ARE, that you BE.
Return to Light
Return to Love
Remember the energy that flows within you and the connectness to all. You are as worthy as the beautiful rose that blooms with Grace and ease, to be magnificent, to be loved, to be seen.