Raw and Real : The truth about my alignment
Its been a long and winding road for me this past 7 years.
I left my former life in search of myself, whom Id lost many years back in the flurry of life, business, children, relationships and self doubt. My happiness seemed dependant on others…and they were not delivering.
The first thing I learnt was that in a room where there was only myself…I had no one else to blame for my unhappiness.
The next thing I learnt was that it was up to me to stay in alignment with my happiness if I wanted to experience it more often.
The Universe, through my creation and design, delivered me the perfect circumstances, people and situations to strengthen my resolve in not only my beliefs about who I was, but in the knowledge and practice of moment by moment alignment.
To the untrained eye – this is called life, this is called struggle, this is called heartache, this is called adversity.
The trained eye sees only Love and growth and opportunity in all that is presented.
The conscious choice to BE and to FEEL more Love than fear, more joy than sadness, more delight than judgement, more well being than stuckness is always available.
We don’t always make that choice though.
For the past 12 months I have gotten better at the alignment energy game. I help and teach others now as I learn and grow into better understanding of it all.
I see the struggle in so many. I KNOW this struggle and I know the pain.
The raw and real truth about this is that we are always learning and no matter how good we get at realigning, there will always be something that pushes us off the perch every now and then.
A feeling, a thought, a memory, a pattern…
I fell off the perch again today.
The pain in my heart beckoned me to stay down. It was calling me to go back to old ways, to beat up on myself, to numb myself, to do whatever I had to do to not feel the pain.
It actually took quite a bit of resolve to not fall backwards but then I realised just how far I had come, and how with practice, we can all be more in control of how we feel, at any given moment.
I also recognised that the feeling of old hurts and emotions, the memories of old struggles and demons and the remembering of past pain can actually help too.
In a couple of relationships over the past 7 years I have been with men that have not wanted to tell anyone about us, have not wanted to be photographed together, have not wanted to tell family and friends and have not wanted to commit emotionally. This in itself has been hurtful but the bigger hurt comes when I then see the total opposite with their next partner.
The pain and criticism of self kicks in and all the questions of why, and whats wrong with me, and what was I not good enough etc etc all come into play.
It can be paralysing!
Here’s what I have discovered today through the pain of this coming up again.
This was a perfect opportunity to practice all I have learnt about alignment.
- I did not binge eat.
- I did not numb with alcohol.
- I did not cry for hours/days, I shed tears yes, but not for long.
- I felt appreciation for all that had been and also felt thankful that I also had many beautiful memories.
- I also hurt for the partners in my life that I had done this to and forgave myself for the pain I must have caused in their hearts.
Divine timing is always at play and now that I understand this, I knew that there was something here for me to see, something new to feel.
And there it was. The clarity of my alignment. The fact that sometimes, rather than finding that good feeling thought immediately, we should explore further the fear, the pain or the struggle to gain new insights and wisdom around our expansion from it.
My reward from this brief set back today has been enormous and Im so grateful.
- I now know MORE of what I don’t want and what I DO want- in life and in relationship.
- I now have no doubt as to my ability and practice in choosing my thoughts deliberately.
- I also now understand that if I am choosing to be sad, fearful, hurt or dismayed that it is neither right or wrong. It is simply a decision and choice I am making at that time and I can choose again if I want to.
This is alignment.
Choosing again and again until we feel love within ourselves, from the core. The Joy that comes through this is without words to describe. To be in your own power over the emotion you are feeling right now is a gift like no other.
So my words to you at this time are practice.
Practise choosing your best feeling thought as much as possible.
Practise being ok if you are out of alignment, knowing you can choose to change that instantly.
And what exactly IS alignment?
This is where you find peace. This is where you can see through the eyes of love and compassion – at yourself and all others.
This is Love.
Find your alignment more easily through the tools and practices I use daily.
Join the Community in my private mentoring group and reconnect with yourself.