9 Signs You Are Too Dependent On Other People
All too often we don’t take responsibility for what is happening in our own lives and we blame others. Instead of asking whether your relationship is the issue, start asking yourself whether it is you who is susceptible to dependency.
Are you one of those people with a dependent personality? Or, do you show those traits? If your answer is yes then you are far likely to see those traits cropping up in any relationship that you have.
Let’s take a look at some of the indications that may tell you whether you are too dependent and not standing in your own empowered state of self.
- You Can’t Make Decisions Without Advice or Reassurance
This doesn’t mean huge life decisions that anyone would struggle with, this is everyday decisions that you should be able to make easily. If you struggle with simple decisions because you’re terrified of being wrong then you may be too dependent on the approval of others.
You will never feel free if you are living your life in fear of criticism from others.
- An Inability To Assume Responsibility
There’s a difference between asking assistance when handling a major change or big area of your life, however, expecting other people to take responsibility for it is a different story. Dependent people tend to hand over control over major areas to others, and it’s driven by fear. The big challenges of life seem insurmountable so it would be impossible for them to handle it alone.
Baby steps here are required if you want to start taking responsibility for your own life.
- An Inability to Do Things Alone
People who are dependent on others often feel as though they are worthless. This prevents them from putting themselves out there and causes them be too afraid of failure to start projects or handle things on their own. It’s impossible to fail if you don’t take initiative, right? If they believe they will fail at doing something they simply won’t do it at all.
There is failure in the not trying too. Success is the action of taking the step forward.
- Afraid To Disagree
There’s a disconnect between reality and expectation here and the dependent person doesn’t want to argue nor do they feel as though their opinion is worthy of expression. They’re more than likely going to agree with whatever someone else says because of it.
Once again the fear of letting others down or being criticized for speaking out will keep us small.
- Anxious On Your Own
When you spend your life expecting the worst, it’s difficult to feel competent about facing life alone. Being on your own means you feel vulnerable and unprotected and it’s too much to cope with.
Once you learn to truly love who you are and understand that your humanness is such a small part of YOU, you will never feel alone.
- Wrongly Take Responsibility
While they happily hand responsibility over for major life decisions they wrongly take responsibility when something bad happens. It doesn’t matter whether the judgment is accurate or reasonable, it’s what they do – they assign blame to themselves for an event, the behavior of others, and for a variety of circumstances.
People pleasing and old behavior patterns will keep you in fear.
- Great Expectations
A dependent person will simply adopt the expectations of others and when they fail to meet those expectations they feel as though they’re failing themselves as well as the other person. This perception simply solidifies their belief that they’re worthless and fuels the damage to self-esteem.
Letting others down is a huge fear but you are also letting yourself down when you do not stand for what you believe.
- The Need For Validation
Validation and approval are something dependents crave, much like a gambling addict or alcoholic craves a taste of their poison. When they receive that validation, the stars align and all is right with the world. However, that is short lived and it is a vicious cycle.
The only validation you need is from yourself. This will set you free.
- A Lack Of Boundaries
There is just one boundary that a dependent will have, and that is to be in and around the relationship they desire. Everything else goes out the window and is negotiable. This makes them vulnerable to someone who would want to exploit them. Certain personality types are drawn to these types of people because they know they can take advantage of them.
Your boundaries need to be in place in all areas so that you teach people how to treat you.
Does this sound like you? It can be exhausting living up to expectations that are beyond anyone’s control. Equally, it can be frustrating trying to cope with the typical challenges of life when your self-esteem isn’t sufficient for you to feel strong and decisive enough to deal with them. You can change that, though, by becoming stronger in who you are and learning how to expect your flaws, whether perceived or real.
Accepting you, ALL of you, is the first step. Seeing others as an extension of you is also important and as you become more aware of your strengths and weaknesses, you will realize that it is all in perfect contrast for your journey here this life.
Its when you can stand in your own power and not shrink to please others, or to feel worthy, that true love and freedom will surround you.