Are You Afraid They Will Call You Fake and a Fraud?
This past weekend I came up against one of my fears.
I wasn’t expecting it at all and it hit me with a huge wave of anxiety and terror.
In the process of asking to be opened up more to Love, I suddenly became paralysed at the thought of it.
I think for many of us its the same or similar reason and it inevitably keeps us stagnant and unable, or unwilling, to go those next steps to fully stand in the Truth of who we are.
When I put myself in the position of teaching and mentoring others through my Spiritual practices, I had to have a certain level of vulnerability to be able to share my experiences and show others how I had shifted, so they could then also use those tools and practices to also create shifts in their lives.
It was very different to teaching what I knew about salons and clients, very different to teaching about the practical aspects of business or technology.
It was personal.
I know many people in high positions in their career or business that cannot be vulnerable and that don’t want to! Talking about the work they do is enough for them and their desires. In private their vulnerability and truth may show more but in public there is no requirement.
I guess those in this lifetime that feel the calling to share a more personal aspect of their life in order to help improve the lives of others will fully understand the uncertainty each time a new level of upleveling is required!
Its also understood that there are just as many people who dont care! Who dont see it as a challenge and who arent worried what others think about them. And I love that too!
So, there I was, faced with a decision to have old wounds healed in front of a group of people.
I wanted to, yes.
I told myself to get up, but didn’t.
I was angry at myself.
I was scared to be this open and vulnerable.
I felt like they would all discover I was a fake, a fraud, and that my actions in life do not always follow in alignment with what I teach and who I say I am in Truth.
It was a huge opening of the heart though in so many other ways but mainly to myself.
So what were a few of those things that were terrifying me in that moment? If the Truth were revealed?
- I have physical habits that are killing my body slowly but find so, so challenging to change. Yet, I ask my clients to change in this way.
- Some parts of my life are really messed up – yet I help others in clearing up their mess.
- Ive never thought Im the worlds greatest mother, friend or partner and find it difficult to let people in- yet I show people how to open themselves up to this daily.
It seems quite silly now as I sit here and write this but feel its important to say because somewhere, reading this, maybe someone needs to hear it right now. Maybe its you.
We are all doing our best, right now, with what we know.
No matter how ‘all together’ someone appears to be on the outside, there is always an area of life that is not working well for them. ALWAYS.
I know this, from all the work I have done on comparing myself to others and letting go of that shit.
Being here as a human means we are constantly given the opportunity to shift our reality and energy and in any area of life that will serve the greater good the most at that time.
This experience was for me, a chance to open my heart and have more compassion for me, and love MORE of who I AM right now.
Yes there are things that are not perfect but just like you, and everyone, I have old beliefs, contracts and vows that have been taken consciously or unconsciously for many lifetimes and they are playing out right now.
Its actually in the placing of the ‘light’ in these areas of life right now that are dark, that the answers will be found to dissolve the old and begin the new.
The vulnerability around that is intense, as is the old, hanging on for dear life.
So behind your mask- what are the ‘Truths’ you don’t want people to find out? What are you afraid of? What is it about you that you fear people will see you as a fraud for if they knew?
Wouldnt it be the most beautiful loving thing that we could do for ourselves to simply be OK with it? With ourselves? Just as we are, ALL of who we are, right now, in this moment in our evolution?
What if there were no mistakes?
What if nothing was wrong?
What if, just like so many other things in my life that I have cleared up and cleaned up, THIS was another opportunity for me to grow and heal myself so as to be a stronger teacher for others?
Why do we as humans beat ourselves up when we innately want to LOVE?
It HAS to begin with ourselves and in every moment we are shown the next step.
- What are YOU butting heads with right now that you don’t want to reveal?
- What is challenging YOU the most right now that you are afraid to be vulnerable about? Even to yourself?
Its these questions and awareness’s that will heal.
Its this Love for our self that will dissolve the old.
Its our journey to open to these when the time is right for us and to step into the Light and Love of a stronger more aligned soul.
For me, I know the main things that are my ‘next step’ in development now. And I am grateful that even though I didn’t stand up when I had the chance, the NOT standing up has also helped me discover more of who I am and to be OK with it.
I will be standing next opportunity. Saying yes to the vulnerability and healing. Saying yes to myself.
It will all feel like- what took you so long!
And it will all feel like Divine timing.